Zombies in the Land of the Pharaohs

Weighing the evidence for and dating of Solanum virus outbreaks in early Egypt (a spoof!)

Some people, even historians, believe that civilization first began in ancient Egypt. Writing may well have developed there even before it did in ancient Mesopotamia. Egypt may have seen the first of pretty much everything, so why not the first zombie outbreak? Submit it for your consideration, exhibit A: Bodies hastily decapitated sans the traditional ritual embalming afforded even to the poor. No brains removed through the nostrils with a stick or nothin’. Hurried burials. Mysterious scratch marks on the interior of tomb walls, as of something trying to get OUT. Must be zombies!

I however would urge caution here. We cannot as yet ascribe to Egypt the first zombie outbreak in recorded history. After all, those scratch marks could have been made by a mummy, not a zombie. What’s the difference, you may ask, between the two? Are they not both reanimated corpses? Don’t they both groan instead of speak? Yes and yes, but the resemblance stops there. Mummies are not known for craving human brains, and they tend to retain in undeath some degree of their former intelligence, where as zombies tend to be mindless. Also, mummies don’t get all stinky like a zombie, thanks to the Egyptian’s advanced mummification techniques.

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of Evil Cheez Productions ( - - specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. And he really likes vampires and werewolves. Like, a LOT.