Stoner Steals Brain to Buzz on Formaldehyde

Somebody wanna school me on a couple’a things? I could just do a google search, but I don’t really care that much, if I’m honest. This linked article made me laugh, so I’m sharing it. Simple as that. It does, however, raise a couple of questions. One: Is formaldehyde THAT hard to get hold of? Like, I was thinking you could just buy it off the shelves. Am I wrong about that? Surely there are easier ways to get formaldehyde than to BREAK INTO A FREAKIN’ HOSPITAL OR MEDICAL SCHOOL AND STEAL A FREAKIN’ BRAIN! This last is what a Pennsylvania podunk named Joshua Lee Long did. He stole a brain, named it Freddy, and used the formaldehyde to soak his hashish. He got busted when his aunt found the brain in a department store sack (I just know it was from Walmart) underneath the front porch of a trailer. (Of course it was a trailer.)

Does formaldehyde make the ganja more potent? Does it increase the high? I would ask one of my stoner friends, but none of my friends are stoners. I’m sure some of my buddies have partaken of the wacky weed on occasion, sure; some, I’m sure, still do. But I feel safe in saying none of them has ever stolen a brain to get wasted. My question is, does the high you get from adding pickled brain juice to your blunts make it worth all that trouble? (Also, what happened to the rest of Freddy?)

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of Evil Cheez Productions ( - - specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. And he really likes vampires and werewolves. Like, a LOT.