A man comes home to find a drunk zombie in his easy chair…

Sounds like the beginning of a good story, but it actually happened to a Denver, Colorado man.

Okay, fanboys, I know you’re all big and bad. But let’s be honest, now. If this had happened to you, how would you have reacted? If it were me, I honestly don’t know. I might have run out of the apartment. Or I might’ve grabbed up my industrial-sized container of peanut butter and bludgeoned the zombie. Or I might have done what the unnamed victim in this case did: try to wake up the sleeping zombie. I doubt it, but I might have. The zombie WAS asleep when he was discovered. Given the zombie make-up sported by the trespasser, I might have assumed the guy was dead. Then again, zombies ARE dead, but that makes them no less dangerous . . . What was the question again?

The “zombie” in this case was a doofus named Dane Clark. He got so plastered at his birthday party—and it bears mentioning that this all occurred on Halloween, ergo the zombie’s birthday was the Eve of All Saints, appropriately enough—he broke into somebody else’s apartment and promptly passed out. When awakened by the tenant, he grabbed a knife and went after the guy. Now I said I don’t know how I would have reacted to all this, and that is the truth. But after the zombie drunk went for the knife, that DEFINITLEY would have gotten him clobbered by the peanut butter. Which, honestly, would have made for an even BETTER story, wouldn’t it?

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of Evil Cheez Productions ( - - specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. And he really likes vampires and werewolves. Like, a LOT.